Tuesday, May 17, 2011

[X] Must Award

                 A drum of mustard, a vat of mustard, a Scrooge McDuck-esque room of mustard. A wise man once said that one could never have enough mustard, and I'd have to agree. On a hot summer day, many a dog beats the heat by slathering themselves with the spicy sauce. Mustard is a sibling of Mayonnaise, though they are not on speaking terms after the messy legal battle over the terms of their father’s will. Jake is looking like he is having trouble following the presentation, he must be hard of hearing. Did I ever tell you kids about the great mustard famine of 2006? It was terrible, pickles on pastrami terrible. Mustard makes up over 43 percent of our daily recommended diet. If you are having trouble getting the cap off of a mustard jar, just be short with it and the mustard will usually bend to your will. Speaking of will, I heard that Mustard has been leaving messages on Mayonnaise's machine to the tune of "You enjoying fathers sitting chair? Well enjoy it while you can!" 
                 At the dawn of time there were three things; tubes, crescents and mustard. Mustard likes downloading movies using torrents, but it rarely keeps the file active to share with other users. Mustard regularly gives its old shirts to the Goodwill center down on 32nd and Three-pine, but I saw him shoplifting there just the other day. When I was a boy, my father dreamed that one day I would grow up and become a successful mustardpreneur. A vigorous session of ‘Kick-bow’ is a good way to work up a good thirst for mustard. “Mustard, Grab a tube and squeeze it into your mouth”. “Mustard, better than you might imagine it”. The only reason that Milk isn't mustard is because it wasn't ambitious enough. Jenny. Jenny listen closely, I need for you to take off that necklace, Jenny. Rhinos use their tails in surprising new ways on a daily basis, thanks to their generous sponsors, Mustard Co. Mustard takes its life one day at a time since the accident. What a brave boy you’re being Jenny, I'm so proud of you. Before trying down the final design of his new invention, ‘the pillow’, William Sir Billiby attempted to fill his sack with mustard. Will the desire to survive outshine the desire to smear mustard and hot fudge onto a sundae? A wise man must know. Surely he must know.

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